where you learn to "Check Your Six"
as an LGBTQQ Cadet or Midshipman in ROTC or at a service academy.

Welcome to the Decatur Club

Statements of The Obvious

(or sadly lessons learned from others' mistakes)

The DONT'S

  • DON'T kiss your next boyfriend at a Frat Party no matter how cute he is.
  • DON'T hold your girl friend's hand at the movies no matter how good it makes you feel.
  • DON'T fraternize. Whether or not you believe Fraternization is wrong, you will soon understand why that is, and it will eventually come back to you and get you into very deep trouble.
  • DON'T let your drinking get you out of control if you are not in a place where you can be yourself.
  • DON'T take it personally when "high visibility" others "defriend you" on facebook to protect your career.

    You often don't know who is there watching you. Sadly, you might be disappointed in how some "friends" may turn on you.

    The DO's

  • DO set up a Hotmail, Gmail or Yahoo account for your "personal" email
  • DO erase the cookies and history on your web browser if you have been visiting websites that could cause suspicion.
  • DO keep your Facebook mailbox "tidy"
  • DO have fun.

    The DO's and DON'T's shouldn't frighten you.

    What if you do get casually "asked?"

    It is best if you can deflect the question. The person asking is "out of line" and by asking the question is violating DADT. Put the questioner in the position of being the one who is in the wrong, that usually means answer the question with a question that requires more than a "yes" or "no" answer.

    Sample comebacks:

  • "Are you trying to tell me something about yourself by asking that question?"
  • "Even if I were, aren't you breaking the rules by asking people that question?"
  • "Why are you trying to harass me with this nonsense?"
  • "Why are you wasting your time and mine?"
  • I"s this the Spanish Inquisition?"
  • "I sure hope not!"

    Be careful to NOT ask a question that confirms an unspoken answer such as

  • Who told you?
  • What did you see me doing?
  • What did you hear?
  • Do I have to answer that?

    You need to be prepared with the "comeback to the comeback."

    An unsubstantiated "rumor" isn't sufficient evidence to start an investigation, but don't start the rumor.

    What if you do get involved or implicated in an "investigation?"

    Most of those who got in trouble during an investigation found that they were caught off guard, they didn't see it coming, and they didn't have a plan. They often confessed when first asked questions not knowing that they didn't have to answer. If you think out how to deal with any situation, you should do fine.

    Do all you can do to be on the offensive. You are in the right, anyone asking is in the wrong. Per DoD Policy, even during an official investigation initiated by the Unit Commander, no one can ask you about your sexual identity. That question alone is always a violation of the policy. The investigation must focus solely on conduct. Do not be intimidated by rank or threats. That might sound difficult, but experience has shown that those who didn't survive an investigation lost because they did not stand up to their rights, and investigators crossed the line during the investigation.

    Most importantly:

  • Say nothing (other than perhaps "I'm trying to study, can I go now?")
  • Sign nothing
  • Ask to have access to a defense JAG.
  • Consider seeking outside legal assistance from organizations such as SLDN which specializes in providing assistance to those who are undergoing investigations or other similar matters.
  • Don't give up the ship.

    What really is allowed and not allowed?

    The following are things which specifically cannot be used to start an investigation because such activity, in and of itself, does not provide evidence of homosexual conduct:

  • going to a gay bar
  • possessing or reading homosexual publications
  • associating with known homosexuals
  • marching in a gay rights rally in civilian clothes.

    But the following things are "crossing the line":

  • making statements to others that you are gay, lesbian or bisexual
  • holding hands in public, even when you don't believe someone is watching
  • holding a sign in a gay rights rally reading "military lesbian for civil rights!"
  • Any physical contact observed by another whether or not you know they are watching which a reasonable person would think was an action leading up to sex such as
    • kissing
    • holding hands
    • sexually suggestive touching or
    • sexually suggestive dancing on the dance floor
  • Getting caught in the act

    Just because DADT rules allow some leeway and freedom, it is always best to not "call the question" as many people still do not understand the policies and there is no assurance that a command will follow the rules.

    Now excluded is “confidential information” considered privileged under UCMJ Rules of Evidence, including information provided by you to medical professionals who are providing treatment for you, mental health professionals who are providing treatment for you, clergy (not just the Catholics in the confession booth any more) and lawyers (AKA JAG officers). Even information obtained in the course of security clearance investigations is exempt. We feel that this is the most significant and humane change ever to policies relating to gays in the military. Finally LGBT cadets and midshipmen, particularly those just coming to terms with their sexuality, can talk in confidence to professionals rather than dealing with it entirely on their own.

    Take advantage of alumni or other support groups.

    Be careful about excessive alcohol consumption, as you probably will drop your guard.

    The bottom line, the rules are pretty straightforward and easy to follow, and as long as you follow them, you have notheg to worry about and you can concentrate on your studies, military duties, sports and having fun.

    References:

    http://dont.stanford.edu/regulations/AFmemo.pdf
    USAF Training for Commanders and JAG's
    The “New Rules” as of 25 March, 2010

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    Design by Gary Storey